Am I Enough? Excessive Hope, and What Is Good Enough.

Whilst it is good in life for people to have hope, some people tyrannise themselves with excessive hope. These people become perfectionistic and unfortunately, they can become very depressed as a result or feel faulty as people. In my work it is not uncommon for people to come to me feeling that they are somehow just not enough as people. This often involves busy parents feeling that they are not good enough and need to be more, or they may not feel good enough as a romantic partner, son or daughter, as an employee, or even as a boss. People often have unrealistic expectations of themselves. This can even present itself in the therapy room with me and they may feel worried that I will judge them as not being good enough in some way. The British psychiatrist and psychoanalyst, D.W. Winnicott often noticed this in people and emphasised that people did not need to be perfect, but just good enough. This however, is often a very difficult feeling to come to terms with and it can be hard to feel the level of self-acceptance needed to feel good enough. Sometimes when growing up our parents, teachers, and even society itself can place unrealistic expectations on us that negatively impacts our self-worth and people often struggle with these feelings of inadequacy all their lives, believing that they can and should be more. This feeling can even persist in people when they achieve the very goals that they think will make them better and give them what they want and need. Sometimes it is very hard to feel satisfied with our accomplishments in life, even when those accomplishments result in high accolades and all of the trimmings of success that they dreamed of. In these cases, it is often valuable to look below the surface into the inner life or unconscious world of the person to see what it is that causing them to suffer from excessive hope and unrelenting high expectations of themselves, that prevents them from finding self-acceptance. After all, nobody is ever perfect. The following video looks at how not feeling good enough may play out and how sometimes even ordinary accomplishments are indeed good enough.